I’m getting attached….

Today I spent some time with Micah and his family celebrating his first birthday. He turned one year old on September 1st. I’m getting really attached to this little guy — he’s stolen my heart.

This is my favorite picture of him, with his little birthday hat on. I think he looks so darn cute in this shot. He is being held by his grandfather. You can’t see it, but his head is being held up from the back. He still cannot hold his head up by himself too well. I think he has the sweetest mouth, and the little half-smile he has on his face here is priceless. This is definitely my favorite picture of him.

And here he is laying on Stephanie’s lap (his mommy) He is always happiest in this position. He smiles most when he is on her lap like this and is looking up at her. Although he is very brain injured, Micah definitely knows when his mommy is holding him or is near. When she passed him to me, he instantly started to make a face and whimper. Then I soothed him and he was okay. I held him for a while and he was fine. Then Stephanie came back and started talking to me as I was holding Micah, and he started to turn his head toward her and fuss. It was so good to see him do that, because that shows that he is aware of his surroundings, that he is “thinking” and processing information. Every little thing he does is special. When I use my nails on his scalp and “tickle” his head, he opens his mouth really big and turns his head to the side, and that’s how he laughs. And when his mom passes him off to someone else, he starts to protest in his own small way, even with just a little whimper, that’s still a protest. Everything counts. I think the most important thing that a parent of a disabled child is taught is to see the little things as big things, to appreciate everything and not take a simple smile or laugh for granted.

I held him a lot today and didn’t want to put him down. I’m going to help with is therapy program two days this week. I look forward to seeing him again. I wish I could write about all the feelings that are inside of me when I’m spending time with Micah, but I just can’t explain it. He’s such a beautiful baby and didn’t deserve the cards he got dealt in life…so part of me is so sad about that. He had a perfect brain until his birth — and to no fault of his own, he was deprived of oxygen and so much of his brain was destroyed. He should be crawling or taking his first steps and saying “da da” and “ma ma” at this age. He should be able to giggle and laugh out loud. He should be able to move his legs, kick his feet, clap his hands…. I get so sad when I think about that. But then I think about how young he is and how much growth his brain is still capable of doing, and I get hopeful about his chances of making developments in areas of his brain. I’m so happy that he has a mom that is willing to do all the hard work that this therapy program demands. Being with him and doing his therapy reminds me of the days, weeks, months and years after Audriana’s accident and how we did this same program on her, and those memories sometimes make me sad. But then I think that I am all that much more capable with helping Micah with his program because of my past with Audriana…so that makes me happy to be able to help. I guess I’m just all mixed up with emotions about this little guy. I do find that when I’m holding him I just never want to let him go. It’s like I want to cuddle and kiss all the brain boo-boos away. If only love could heal, this little guy would be perfectly well by now.

Comments

  1. says

    Oh, my eyes are stinging with sadness about Micah’s lot in life. So terrible sad and hard for the family – it’s great all the support you are giving them!

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