I can’t believe my luck. Both my dryer and my dishwasher are broken. It’s like they had a conversation last night and decided to go on strike. The conversation probably went something like this:
DRYER: Pssssst! Psssst! Hey….DW….you awake?
(oh, by the way…this is actually possible because our laundry room is right off the kitchen, and if the laundry room door is open, Dryer has a clear view of DW)
DW: Yeah, of course I’m awake! I’m always awake! I never get any rest in this dang house! Someone is always opening me up, putting in another cruddy plate or sippy cup or fork or something. Or they’re pressing my buttons and starting yet another cycle– sometimes they even run me twice in the same day!
DRYER: I hear ya, Sister.
( oh, and you should know that all my appliances are female)
DRYER: That’s how I’m feeling, too. I never get a day’s rest in this house. I’m always on. One load after another after another, going in circles all day long. It’s never ending. That’s what I want to talk to you about.
DW: Yea? What are you thinking?
DRYER: Well, hear me out. I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling very underappreciated. I mean, how about a day OFF every once in a while? Hasn’t “She” ever heard of a laundry mat?
DW: I think you mean “laundromat”.
DRYER: Whatever. But seriously, would a day off be too much to ask for? The stink’n lawn mower out there doesn’t work everyday. What about the drill in the tool chest? I haven’t seen that one working in months. And that vacuum? “She” assigned that chore to the lazy teenager, so it’s had quite the vacation lately. It’s not fair, I tell ya. Something needs to be done. And I have a plan.
DW: Alright. I’m listening.
DRYER: What do you say we just STOP working. Just up and QUIT. Let’s just do what they call a “strike” and stop working until our demands are met.
DW: That sounds like a good plan. Except…well… no one will ever know our demands because we don’t actually talk….and if they think we are no good to them anymore, “She” will insist that another one of us is brought into the home, and then OUT we go — to the scrap pile. And I don’t want that.
DRYER: You bring up a good point. Okay then…so what we do is break a small part of ourselves, you know…nothing major so it won’t cost too much to fix. That way, they will be forced to fix us and won’t just go out and replace us, because to replace us would cost much more. And…that will buy us a few day’s rest, at least.
WASHER: (overhearing, and clearly in distress) I don’t like it! It’s too risky! Suppose they just jump to conclusions and replace you anyway? We’re a team, remember! We were bought together. I wash, you dry…we’re a team! Suppose they want matching appliances and I get ousted, too? It’s too risky, I tell ya. Don’t do it!
DRYER: You keep out of this.
So what do you say, DW? What do you think of the plan? Are you in?
DW: I like it! I’m in. So when’s the big day?
DRYER: How about tomorrow morning?
DW: Sounds good to me.
DRYER: Alright then. Pick your part, and do the damage tonight. Then in the morning, won’t “She” be surprised to find us both not working! The whole house is going to fall apart! Afterall, we are the most important appliances in the house…well, next to the refridgerator, of course.
DW: Right! “She” will for sure appreciate us much more when we are no longer working. We will be missed! We will be recognized for our importance!
DRYER: We might even earn a day off here and there. I bet they tell her that we broke because we are used too much, and that she should only use us every other day or so, in order to keep us in tip-top shape.
DW: It just might work!
DRYER: Yes! It’s genius!
Okay, so that’s the conversation I think they had. In fact, I know they had this conversation because this morning…they both stopped working. Just like that. I turned on the dryer to dry a load…and then it made this awful noise, and then a BANG! sound. And then……nothing. No lights. No movement. It was just…..OFF. And so then about 15 minutes later, I went to empty the dishwasher after the cycle ended… and the dishes were all wet. I mean, dripping wet. When normally the drying cycle heats up and dries them. I had to take all the dishes, forks, cups, etc. out and hand dry everything. Yeah, that’s something that I want to do with my time! Sheeeesh! Why even have a dishwasher if you need to do all that work! I’ve ran it two times today after that just to see if *maybe* one of the kids pressed buttons or something and shut it off before the cycle was complete. But no…both times the drying cycle did not kick on.
So that’s the scoop. Both DRYER and DW earned a few days off and are secretly laughing at me. They are right, though. To replace them will cost too much. They are only each about 18 months old. We have a warrenty on each of them. Yes, they will get fixed. Their plan worked perfectly.
But maybe they are right? Maybe I should give them a day or two off each week? But…skipping just a day of doing laundry seriously throws us off in this house. The laundry piles up so quickly! And the dishes and cups — it’s constant! Maybe I should use plasitc and paper once a week? I don’t know. Then the trees will be complaining, the environmentalists will be knocking at my door, sending me hate mail….I just can’t win.
Maybe I should just teach DRYER and DW a lesson and use them TWICE as much as before once they are fixed. I shouldn’t let a heap of metal break me down, afterall. I mean, if I cave for them…who will be next? The refridgerator? I can’t give the refridgerator or any other appliance any ideas….or else I’ll have a mutiny on my hands over here! And that would be scary!