one year left

It’s been exactly one month to the day since I’ve posted last.  That has got to be some kind of record for me!
Why have I been away for so long?  Well, to be truthful, I just haven’t been all that into blogging.  I’ve been enjoying the summer and just did not want to take the time to keep my blog active.
And I don’t even care if that’s a bad-blogger-thing-to do.
I really don’t!
Because I’ve had a wonderful break.  
But I’m back now…
because school has started up and I have so much extra time.
Okay, that’s not true.
I’m still homeschooling
(just a 2nd grader this year)
and the rest are in school.
That’s REGULAR school, people.  We are becoming the norm around here.
At least this year we are.
Next year?  Well, next year I might be homeschooling a 1st grader and a 3rd grader.
I just might be.
Unless I decide to put them in regular school.
I just might do that.
Or not.
It’s too early to decide next year right now.
So what I’m saying is this: nothing is set in stone, and wherever they end up is where they should be.
Because we can make anything work!  Yes, we can.
My 3rd child is in her senior year of high school this school year.  Right now as I type she is trying to narrow her college choices down to just ten.  She will be sending in her college applications soon.
She will be the first child to move out of this house.  It will happen next summer.
I’m slightly freaking out about that.
So what have I been doing to counter this panicked feeling?
I have been flopping on her bed more, just to chit-chat and catch up on our days.
I have been poking my head into her room more, just to say hello.
I’ve been snapping random photos of her more than ever.

99.9% of the time this is what I find when I poke my head inside of her room
She says I’m acting strange…what’s my deal, she asks.
My deal is this:  Just when the heck did you grow up?
Where was I that day when you stopped crawling into my bed at night?
When you stopped asking me to read you a bedtime story?
When did I last put a Band-aide on one of your boo-boos?

On her first day of preschool, 1999
So I’m thinking in terms of one year.  I have one year left of her childhood.
Just one year. 
The clock…it is ticking! 
 I feel like I need to do more than ever with her these next 12 months.
Did I ever play Scrabble with her?
Monopoly? Checkers?
Did we ever watch Steel Magnolias together and share a box of tissue?
Go to a midnight premiere together?
With the older two I didn’t have this panicked feeling.  
I knew those two had plans to live at home while attending college.  
So I knew I had lots of time with them.
But this one?  She’s got other plans.  
She’s always had other plans.  
I’ve always known that she would be the first to move out of the family home.   
And for the most part I’m okay with that.  
I just didn’t expect it to sneak up on me so soon!

me and my baby girl, 1996
One year left.
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  1. says

    I have to smile at her asking what your deal is. They don’t get it, how it feels to see them/watch them grow up, know that they’re leaving. I imagine it must be especially harder to know when that time will be. Best of luck to you handling this last year. I know she will leave prepared and confident.

  2. Steph says

    I so relate to this post. My older daughter is starting high school and I said to her doesn’t it seem like yesterday you were in kindergarten? She looked at me like I had lost my mind. But 8 years flew by. You and your family are beautiful. Thanks for your writing. Glad you enjoyed your break.

  3. TamaraL says

    I feel your pain – my third (and youngest) is a Senior this year. I was supposed to have TWO years left, but she decided to skip her Junior year…sigh. She is ‘going away’ but local. In other words, she is going to a school in our state and living in the dorms. I am slamming on the brakes all day, every day! My son attends school out of state, so I am a little used to having a child be gone…but she is my baby…and I am NOT ready for her to go!

    We can do it! Let’s just enjoy this last year that they are at home. Glad you are back to blogging!

  4. says

    The weirdest thing happened as I read this post – my heart strings were tugged! I don’t mean that in an ice queen kind of way, but in the way that I am 21 and obviously have no idea how this must feel for you.
    I guess, I’m reminded of my own senior year, and being the first to leave my family home. I wonder how my parents felt? They seemed pretty cool…even a little enthusiastic, but I wonder how they really felt?
    Knowing the crazy changes that happened the year after I left, this post really was just….it affected me.
    thanks for coming back!! I love how you write :)

  5. says

    Glad to see you back! I get a little freaked out just thinking about when my girls move out, and I have a looong time before that happens. It will go by so fast though, I know! – Amy

  6. says

    I am not even sure how I found your blog this morning…clicking around as I sip my coffee. I read this post and started to cry! My girls are 7, 5, and 2 and I had a hard enough time sending my 5 year old off to kindergarten this year! How does time go so fast? Enjoy every moment and try to be proud of the milestone she is achieving. Best of luck!

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