Since Afton has her driver’s license now, she and Audriana have been driving to school this year. Although Audriana is the older sister, she cannot drive due to her brain injury. She is a senior this year, and all seniors who have a driver’s license get to park in the Senior Parking area of the school. It’s a senior’s privilege. I want Audriana to have this privilege, too.
But the “rules” state that unless the senior has a driver’s license, they cannot have a senior parking pass. I think that it shouldn’t matter WHO drives the senior to school, that the parking pass should be assigned to the senior whether she is the one driving the car or not. The school doesn’t agree with that. I think in Audriana’s case they should make an exception. Just because she has a handicap and cannot drive, she should not be denied a spot in the senior parking lot, when in fact she gets driven to school each day by a driver who parks and leaves the car at school. It shouldn’t matter if Afton drives the car or if Audriana drives the car – she should have a senior spot. She is a senior, after all.
So I asked Audriana if she wants me to fight it. I told her that I can and I will fight this rule. So far the only person I’ve spoken to is the woman behind the attendance counter, and she just states the “rules” but has no authority to change anything or make exceptions. If I want to go further with this, I need to speak with the Vice Principal, and if she says no, then the Principal…and if we are denied again, the next step would be the School District. I’m pretty sure all I’d have to do is drop the “discrimination” word and they’d let her have the pass.
However, Audriana does not want me to take this any further. She doesn’t want to use her disability as an excuse. She tells me that there are plenty of seniors who do not have a parking pass because they don’t drive a car, and she is just another one of them. She doesn’t want me to make a big deal about it. The last thing she wants is to draw attention to herself, to her disability. She’s afraid that if they make this exception, they will also designate a handicapped parking spot to her as well. She would rather skip school than have that happened.
So…as much as I want her to have the privilege of senior parking, I think I’m just going to respect what she wants and let it go. I have to remind myself that is about her; her life, her senior year…not my feelings. And if it doesn’t bother her that she doesn’t get to use the senior parking lot, then it shouldn’t be a big deal to me, either.
Rich disagrees. He wants her to have that space. He feels she deserves it just as much as any senior. He wants to fight this “rule”. He does not want to let it go. I agree with him, but yet I also don’t want to go against Audriana’s wishes. (I do know that if she were to get the senior parking pass, she would be very happy. She just doesn’t want it to become this HUGE deal where unnecessary attention is drawn to her.)
So what should I do?
Placing one foot in front of the other
I’ve climbed to higher lengths.
Reaching beyond my own limitations
to show my inner strength.
No obstacle too hard for this warrior to overcome.
I’m just a girl on a mission to prove
my disability hasn’t won.
~Robert M. Hansel
fight.
I say you talk to the vice principal or principal and explain the situation without telling Audriana. I understand why she doesn’t want to stand out, and I would respect that, but at the same time, we cannot allow for prejudices to go on. If you have an opportunity to point out that there is some kind of discrimination going on and to correct it, I think you should. If not for Audriana, but for the next handicapped child that might not be able to drive themselves. I think this is an important precedent to set and you should fight for it.
Giselle
i would make a quick and very friendly phone call to the vice principal and just say something non threatening or pushy and see if it’s a big deal. if it is, then you can drop it. but you never know, the v.p. might go “sure! that’s not a big deal, i can do that for you.” but of course run this by audriana first. make sure she understands that you aren’t going to be pushy and take it any further. maybe you can even send an email.
First, you are such a thoughtful mom!
I’m a former spec. ed. teacher of teens with brain injury, so I understand these kids not wanting to “stand out”…
I would go with your daughter’s wishes. She is really getting to an age where she needs to make her own decisions about these sorts of things, and I think it is best to just support her in her decisions. She might change her mind, and then I would go fight the good fight for her. Sounds like you are a mom looking to do the best for her either way.
I would go with Audriana’s wishes as well. She has such an amazing attitude about it, too! She will propel herself far in life because she is not willing to see herself as “handicapped”.
Great job, Mom!
For what it’s worth, coming from a stranger, you should be very proud to have such a lovely, proud, determined daughter. Nice job, mama!
I think I would side with Audriana on this one. Even if she would love to have that spot, it sounds like her sense of normalcy is much more important to her. It’s tough for any teen to be singled out…a teen that really wants to fit in and be considered “normal” (whatever THAT is)is going to be even more worried about sticking out in the crowd.
Why not ask her, let her know that you and her dad are concerned about this and it would make you both feel better if you could just talk to the VP about it and see what he says. Tell her you won’t make a stink and no one at the school will have to know outside the office of the VP…you can even tell her that you won’t say handicapped or anything you will just say for medical reasons. See what she says when she hears that and go from there!
Also – I wanted to tell you…I read what you told Sandi and you are so kind and giving! I just really honestly adore you! If she takes you up on the offer, I would LOVE to provide dinner for you and Rich for a night! Can’t take you out but I make some really amazing meals at home! You would be driving right by my house in the good old salt lake valley! Let me know if you are interested!!!
I’d go to the VP. I’m confident you’ll be given a pass. It’s a small bending of a rule for a very valid reason. You aren’t going to have to cause a scene if that’s what she’s afraid of. Good luck!
I understand about you wanting to respect your daughters feelings. but if it was me personally, as a mother, i would continue to fight for what is right. there’s no reason you shouldnt’ be able to get her a spot in the student parking lot. if you push it, they should just give it to her. i think you should just keep fighting for it. what’s the worst that’s going to happen. they tell you no. i’m sure they’ll let you, if you take it to the school district.
Hmmmm – that is such a tough one.AS a mom of a child with a seizure disorder who will potentially not be able to drive, I think I agree with your desire for her, but I agree with her reasoning. What a FABULOUS attitude she has!
I would never want to call attention to something she wants to have be less of a determination for her. She wants to be like everyone else. If everyone else who doesn’t have a license doesn’t get to park there, I would just go with it. But, you are the mama – you have to make the call….Blessings to you!
She doesn’t mind so much that her younger sister drives her. That does not embarrass her. It’s the whole “handicapped” thing. She would not want to make a fuss if it means we have to play that card. For example, she is eligible for our family to get a handicapped parking sticker on our car so that we can park in the very close spaces when she is with us – but she would never let us get one. Although she has a rather pronounced limp when she walks, she doesn’t see herself as handicapped, and doesn’t want to be treated as such, whenever she can help it. So that is what she doesn’t want – any kind of “special” treatment. If we ask, and they grant her the pass simply because she’s a senior, that’s one thing. But if there’s a big fuss made due to her handicap, she’d rather just not have the pass at all.
(And yes, I’m with you about just taking it as far as the VP. )
I only have one child (so far) so take my advice with a grain of salt…
Is one of the reasons that she doesn’t want to push it is that she might be embarrassed that her LITTLE sister is driving her to school and is afraid that other seniors might mock her for it? My guess is no, but it’s been a good while since I was a teen and EVERYTHING was embarrassing.
That said, I’d only push it as far as the VP, if at all. You and Rich may want to push, but it is for Audriana to decide.