Aaron’s first birthday came and went. A full year. How could it be a year already? Over the past year I have gone through many emotions, so many times over: sadness, relief, guilt, regret, thankfulness, doubt, joy, disbelief, anger…repeat, repeat, repeat. All those emotions and the repetitive cycle are a part of the grief. These emotions are to be expected, […]
the hinge
The other day I was sorting through a small pile of receipts, throwing some away and setting the important ones aside for filing. It was a completely mundane thing to be doing, yet a particular receipt stopped me in my tracks. It was from The Home Depot for $21.58. One single item was bought: a hinge. The date on the […]
but I still love him
Last night Aiden was lying next to me in bed ready to go to sleep. The lights were off, and it was quiet. He curled up into me and started to pat my stomach with his hand. This reminded me of our time together during my pregnancy with Aaron. It’s been more than five months now. […]
Aaron’s Birth Story, part 2
Soon after they took Aaron up to the NICU, I was taken into the recovery/observation room. At this point, time really gets away from me. I was on morphine for pain control and what might have seemed like 2 hours was probably only 30 minutes, and what might have seemed like 30 minutes could very well […]
two months gone
It’s been two full months since I last held my baby boy. Sweet Aaron. I had such a short time with him. 36 weeks in my belly, 5 days in my arms ~ It’s not nearly enough. A short time in my arms… but a lifetime in my heart. That is one of the many “comforting” sentences that we bereaved parents are […]
Aaron’s Birth Story – part 1
I think I’m finally ready to do a blog post. You’ve all been so patient because I can see how many are checking every day for a new post, but to tell you the truth I have just not been ready to write about what’s been going on. But I will try tonight. Be […]
a bump in the road
I am happy to report that I am now at the 36 weeks mark! I am thrilled to have made it this far in Aaron’s pregnancy. So grateful. Although I must report that there has been a slight bump in the road, you could say. Turns out my blood pressure has been especially high this […]
Pumpkin Patch 2015
Today we took some of the younger kids to the Pumpkin Patch. Lucky for me it was a nice, cool day (for a change!) and so I was able to hang out longer than I would have had it been 90 degrees out. These days this pregnant mama’s feet have been swelling, and I […]
A Birth Date for Aaron
November 25, 2015 That date…will be my son’s birthday. It’s so strange knowing what day he will be born. I have always gone into natural labor with all my others, so their birthdays were a surprise. But we are having a c-section with Aaron, and the date has been scheduled. It’s actually on the […]
update: 30 weeks
I’ve reached 30 weeks with Aaron’s pregnancy. I remember back when we were first given his diagnosis of Trisomy 13, I was warned that he could pass away soon, that making it to term was unlikely for “these babies”. So the fact that we are here at 30 weeks is no little thing to me. […]
on having hope
So I was given this book last week at one of our appointments at the hospital. Look! It’s a National Best Seller! Yippee! Do you see that title? Surviving the Death of Your Baby! What the what?!!! I’m not saying this book isn’t deserving to a be a National Best Seller. I […]
28 week appointment
I had a routine OB appointment today. At this appointment, I was supposed to drink the dreaded “orange glucose” drink that checks for diabetes. They gave me the drink at my last appointment with directions to drink it an hour before my next appointment (this morning) so that I could get my blood drawn as soon […]
the MRI experience
In this photo, Aaron and I are in a waiting room. We are waiting to have a Fetal MRI done to look at Aaron’s brain. Have you ever had an MRI? It’s quite the experience. They put you in this little tube-thing and the space is so tight in there that your nose practically touches the […]
to know or not to know
Today Baby Aaron and I celebrate reaching 28 weeks together. Twenty-eight weeks!! Since many Trisomy 13 babies die in utero in the early weeks of pregnancy, each week that I get with my little guy is a small miracle for me, and I celebrate each one! And I know Aaron does, too, because I feel […]
good days, bad days
So here we are at 26 weeks! I am so thankful that Aaron has made it this far in the pregnancy. My strong boy! I’m thinking that he’s going to make it very close to full term. My mama instinct just tells me this. Plus, I have been praying for that. A lot. As […]
little surprises along the way
About 80% of babies with Trisomy 13 have heart malformations. Most often they only have two or three chambers of the heart (when there should be four) or they are missing arteries or ventricles, or they have holes in the heart, or the heart is on the wrong side of the body, or their mitral valves are […]
napping together
A couple of weeks ago I was lying on my bed trying to catch a few minutes alone. About three minutes later I could hear Aiden down the hall saying, “Mom-mom! Where are you?” and I knew that was it for my quiet time. That boy rarely lets me out of his sight. He opened […]
a new baby & a diagnosis
On March 20, 2015 a pink line spread across a pregnancy stick. POSITIVE. Normally this result would thrill me! I would immediately look into the mirror and say to myself, “You’re a new mommy!” and I would be smiling from ear to ear. Then I’d quickly do the math in my head to calculate the due […]