Whenever I have a baby, I get what we like to call “Time in the Cave” — and that is when the baby and I stay in my room (aka “The Cave”) and do not leave it for at least a week. The “rule” is that we cannot step over the threshold of my room into the hallway – into the “outside” – until the designated time was up. Rich tends to the other kids during this time, and my meals are brought up to me on a tray. The kids are kept away from The Cave for the most part, allowing me to rest. They do come in to “visit” throughout the day, but they have to ask first. My room is pretty much off-limits to everyone except Rich.
Now, most people when they hear of our little Cave ritual will say, “Oh, I would go crazy being locked up like that!” and I guess that could be one way of looking at it. But for me, it’s HEAVEN. Seriously. I absolutely love the first week after I have a baby! I feel like I’m on vacation. Well, except for the fact that I’m in my own bedroom. But still. It’s a good time for me! I don’t need to cook for anyone – not even myself! And my other kids are being taken care of. All I need to do is sleep, eat, and get to know my new baby. For me, it just doesn’t get better than that!
Aiden and I resting together in The Cave a few days after his birth
I didn’t always have time in The Cave. When I used to birth my babies in the hospital, I would have my two days in the hospital…and THAT was my recovery time! Just two days! The hospital room was The Cave. Then once baby and I were back at home, I was right away thrown into the mix of the regular routine with kids, chores, and all that comes with running a household.
But once I started having the babies at home, things changed. I have had the last four babies in my bedroom, and once each baby was born, I did not leave the bedroom until the designated time was up. Sometimes, if I needed something, I would open the bedroom door and shout from the doorway…but I was always careful not to cross over into the hallway. It became a kind of a taboo thing for me to do…until the designated time.
And the designated time changed with each baby. Aislynn, our baby number 7, was our first one born at home. After her birth, I stayed 7 days in The Cave. Then Andrew was born at home, and he was baby number 8, so I stayed 8 days in The Cave. Then Aria, our number 9, came along … and yes, I spent 9 days in The Cave after she was born. This was just something Rich and I thought was a fun thing to do. We added on a day for each baby.
And then our baby number 10 arrived…
and you’d think that I would have had 10 days in The Cave. Oh, I was looking forward to it, let me tell you! But, I just couldn’t do it that long this time. It was the end of the school year, and I needed to be places.
Andrew’s last day of Kindergarten was an important day: The Kindergarten Carnival. I just couldn’t miss that. Plus, Andrew really wanted to show off his new baby brother to his teacher and his friends. So on June 10th – just 7 days after his birth – Aiden and I emerged from The Cave …
Aiden’s first time out in the sunlight
and we went to the Kindergarten carnival.
Aria got her face painted
Aislynn and Aria had fun in the “photo booth”
and Andrew had a good time
and was happy that his family could be there on his special day!
The very next day was Afton’s high school graduation, which was another BIG reason why I had to come out of The Cave early! I had to be there to see my baby graduate!
Rich took this picture of us in the stands, waiting for the ceremony to start.
Aiden was SO good for this long, 3 hour excursion. He slept most of the time. But I did have to take him out of his car seat once when he started to fuss. He was hungry and I had to nurse him…right there in the stands. Oh, I’m not going to say that was easy. He was a new nurser at that time and didn’t latch on with grace and proficiency (like he does now!) and I was trying to be discreet, knowing there are people sitting above me and to the sides of me. But, we managed…and he quieted down and was fed and happy. And back in the car seat he went, and slept for another hour.
You know, it’s not like I wanted to take him out of The Cave before his 10 days were up.
But THIS was worth it.
My baby…the high school graduate!
Off to college at the end of summer.
I can’t believe it.
So anyways, my Cave days are now over. I’m a little sad about that. No more births, no more Cave time. That’s just the way it goes.
But since Rich is still off work, I sometimes sneak up here with Aiden and shut the door. And if I’m really, really quiet…
no one misses me! And it’s just me and my sweet baby boy — once again — just the two of us….back in The Cave!
I love the concept! I’m always advocating that new moms (and even the well versed) take the first 2 weeks to bond and establish a good nursing routine so I love that you have had such wonderful support with this
My hubby always took 7-10 days off and commanded the house so I could rest, these daddy’s are hard to come by and such a blessing. The larger the family, the more profound the blessings…such a legacy!
First off, congratulations! Your baby Aiden is beyond sweet! I think your amazing to raise 10 kids! I am confused though, I thought you homeschool your kids? Can you share with us if you have stopped homeschooling or why some are in school? The reason I ask is Im debating on homeschooling my own children and Im wondering if the homeschooling ended up being difficult or not fruitful for the kids. I hope its not too intrusive to ask.
I also would love to hear more about your home schooling experiences. What was the highest grade your children have entered public school and how easy was it for them. Any info to help in that area would be appreciated too. I worry that I am not having them work hard enough especially in writing to be ready for the upper elementary grades. Thank you if you have time to help us out!
Beautiful!!
That’s an amazing tradition. I wish I had known about it when I had my kids! All of my kids were born by c-section which got me a 4 day stay in the hospital. Sharaya, our second, was born on Monday, I came home on a Thursday and on Friday our house was filled with people for Beth’s birthday. I definitely wouldn’t have missed her birthday, but a few days in the cave sounds like heaven!
beautiful. really blessed by this blog. i am expecting my seventh and the cave plan is not a bad motto. my midwife always encouraged that rest, but i often fight it.
too, it was so precious to see you with your highschool graduate and in the next picture with your newborn. full of life for sure. have a great week!
What a wonderful,and special bonding time for you and your precious baby. If I had it all to do over again, I would certainly try home birth, and especially the Cave. I wanted to have a water birth with my first son, 32 years ago, and my OBGYN said, “No way!” I got bright lights and stirrups. Of course I got lower forceps and stitches,too. Your family is beautiful, as always. Thanks for sharing.
When my mom gave birth the hospital stay was a week and anyone above the poverty level had a nurse (or their own mom)at home to help out for another 10 days. Today moms are all expected to be “supermoms” No wonder so many are overcome by it all. Nine months of carrying and then labor and 2 days to recover? Crazy. You have it right. You earned those days, you need them to recover, and your baby deserves a little extra time adjusting to a new, weird and frightening new environment.
What cute pouty lips sweet Aiden has! Congrats to Afton, such a beautiful girl. It is wonderful that you at least got a week in the cave and were able to make Andrew’s and Afton’s big events. You look beautiful and content. Cheers!