Well, the day finally came.
I thought I was mentally and emotionally prepared for it.
But I wasn’t.
We dropped her off at her college, and I bawled like a baby. I don’t know, maybe it’s the pregnancy/baby hormones still going through my system or something because I’m normally not so emotional…but Afton’s moving out really hit me hard.
We had a “Good Luck in College” type of going-away party for her a few days before she left. I decorated the house with balloons of her college colors.
And I made a cake.
The kids all bought her “presents” of items that she would be needing at college.
She unwrapped shampoo, cleaning supplies, laundry soap… you know, all that stuff that she never thought of having to buy for herself while she lives at home!
When the move-out day arrived, I took a few last pictures of her in her childhood bedroom.
And here she is downstairs, waiting for us to load everything into the van and be on our way.
On the ride to college, she could hardly contain her excitement!
When we arrived at the campus, there was a whole mess of kids moving into the dorms. It was so busy and so crowded! What an ordeal. First we had to check in and get her room key. Then we had to check the room for anything that was broken or damaged and fill out a sheet with all that information. Once we turned in that paperwork we were finally given the okay to move her in. The elevators were too busy for us to use, so we had to walk everything up three flights of stairs. Up and down, up and down, until every last box was in her room. The stairway was packed with people doing the same thing we were. This was not an easy task!
Once all her things were brought up to her room, we started to unpack.
And she began decorating her side of the room.
While Rich went out to get us some lunch, I got busy helping her unpack. I hung things up in her closet and tried to keep myself busy so that I wouldn’t think too much about the fact that we will soon be driving home without her. I was determined to keep things cheerful for Afton’s sake. This was such an important day for her! And it really was exciting, even for me. I had fun helping her to set up her room.
Soon her roommate arrived and we met her and her parents, and then Rich and I headed over to Target to buy Afton a few last minute things. We figured it was a good time to bug out for a little while to let her and her roommate get to know each other.
So Rich and spent some time walking the aisles at Target. I picked out another pillow for Afton’s bed, and Rich got her a few snack foods to keep in the room’s mini fridge. After about an hour we headed back to the university. As we were parking the car, I got this text from Afton:
Turns out her roommate had left to eat dinner with her parents, and Afton suddenly found herself alone in her room for the first time. And it felt strange, so she wanted us to be with her! Ahhhh, my baby. It felt good to be needed, and I happily hurried back to her.
We spent some more time with her in the room — me helping her to set things up and Rich walking around the room with disinfectant wipes making the place clean. He also took the time to show her the nearest stairway and fire escapes, and he talked to her about safety issues that only a fire fighter would think of.
And we took some more pictures.
Did I forget to mention that Aiden was with us, too? Afton took some time to cuddle her baby brother, saying good-bye to him.
Sweet little Aiden had no idea what was going on that day. He was just along for the ride! But me, I kept thinking to myself, will he even get to know her? She won’t be living in our home and seeing him everyday, so how can he get to know his older sister? Watching her with him and thinking those thoughts almost set me to tears.
The moment finally came when it was time for us to head back home…without Afton. This by far was the hardest part of the day for me. I hugged her a couple of times, smiled, and said, “Have fun! Be safe!” and she said, “Okay, I will.”
Rich and I stepped outside the door and into the hall. I turned and quickly snapped this picture of her.
And then it happened.
“BYE!!” she said, and she shut the door to her room and left me standing on the other side. And I swear, at that very moment, I heard the umbilical cord “snap!” — I really did!
My baby.
I stood there at her door for a moment, then quickly turned and grabbed the baby stroller and started pushing it down the hall towards the elevator, following after Rich. I’m not going to cry, I’m not going to cry, I’m not going to cry…. is what I was saying to myself.
Rich turned to look over his shoulder at me and asked, “You okay?” and that did it. I put my hand over my mouth, shook my head no… and I started crying like a big baby, right there in the hall just a few feet from her door. Rich hugged me and said encouraging things like, “She’s going to be fine. We can visit her. She’s not that far.” I sank my face into his shoulder and tried my best to choke back the sobs. It wasn’t that I was worried about her. And it had nothing to do with the distance or how often we could visit and she could visit us. It wasn’t those things that made me so upset. It was all about how my baby has grown up and has moved out of our family home and that I won’t see her everyday or walk by her room to tell her to clean it or to tell her it’s late – time to get some sleep… or any of that parenting stuff. She’s grown up now, and although that makes me very proud, it also makes me very sad. It’s what is known as bittersweet. (I really understand the meaning of that word now!)
After a minute or two, I pulled myself together and we left her building and spent some time walking around the campus. We shopped in the student book store (which sells waaaaay more than books, let me tell you!) and we bought some college t-shirts to cheer ourselves up. Yes, Rich was bummed, too.
We found a nice, quiet area of the campus and stopped to sit a while. It had a coy pond, and Rich spent some time checking out the fish.
Or maybe he was thinking about his baby girl and how quickly she grew up and that she is now living on a college campus, and he might have been wondering how in the world did that happen??
Or he was looking at the fish. I’ll never know.
As for me, I spent my quiet time nursing and cuddling my baby boy. It was very calm and peaceful there; the perfect way to end our day. I sat and thought about how neat it is that at the same time my daughter is getting settled into her dorm room, I am nursing her baby brother on the other side of her college campus. Who would have thought that I’d have a new baby when one of my “old” babies goes off to college?
So I cheered up some, and on the ride home that night I was feeling pretty good about things. But then when I got home and got busy tucking the kids into bed for the night, I walked by this:
Afton’s empty bedroom.
And oh, it felt and looked so empty. No scattered clothes and towels on the floor. No papers or books or the normal clutter on her desk. No posters on her walls. Just her car keys hanging up on her magnetic calendar. The room was so void of her, and I couldn’t help it — the tears came again. Big time.
That night I sat in bed with a box of tissue.
But the next day was a new day, and all the business of this chaotic house helped to distract me. It’s been a week now and things are going good. Avery has moved into Afton’s old bedroom and has made it hers. School will be starting next week and we have been busy preparing for that. Afton and I text almost every day, and that helps me, too, but I still miss her being here. How can I help but to miss her? I’ve lived with that kid for 18 years! It’s impossible for me not to feel her absence around here.
I know, I know…she will come home to visit. Yea, that’s nice and all, but it’s not the same.
It’s not the same at all.
I am in floods of tears here. My eldest baby left for university last September and she is living in halls of residence in the SAME CITY as us. Yes, she’s only 10 minutes away and yet I felt like the bottom had dropped out of my world. I could relate to every single word you have written. This is a wonderful post. Thank you so much for linking up at #TweensTeensBeyond we really appreciate your support.
Oh this made me cry! It’s a few years away still for us and I am already dreading it. I mean like, waking up in the night dreading it! I’d love to hear how you coped as time went on. #TeensTweensBeyond
Katrina this really resonates with me at the moment as I am preparing for my eldest to head off to University in October. In England some teens take a gap year after upper school to work/travel but we were keen for him to continue his education. Now the time is drawing close for him to leave I find myself constantly questioning my insistence that he needs to move on etc whilst simultaneously noting the things I will miss. I would love to hear how you coped in the aftermath and hope you will join us again. #TweensTeensBeyond
the day my eldest son left home aged 18, he said to just drop him and his belongings at the front gate and drive off please, so i obliged, only on the 2 hour journey there, he said i could wait at the door and pass him things, then when we got there, he said i could ferry stuff up to the landing, then he had me unpacking, making beds, hanging curtains. When it came to say goodbye, there was a ‘see ya mum’ a quick hug and that was it, i managed to drive round the corner before breaking down into tears. I stopped at a coffee shop for about an hour while i regained my composure to start the journey home, when he rang to say, ‘mum I know you’re not on the motor way, which coffee shop are you in, i’ll come join you’ I sobbed on and off for several days, until 9 days later we made the journey to tell him we were actually moving abroad ourselves in a couple of months time. We still live abroad and our youngest two have since left home and returned to the UK, each time broke my heart, but we have an amazing relationship with the 3 of them now they are adults, even if we only see them 3-4 times a year. #tweensteensandbeyond
Well you’ve made cry as I sit here in the Cafe – and smile too. Just beautiful and I love the way you describe bittersweet. I totally get you. It’s still a little way off for us and whether you have one, two or five children, the wrench is just the same I’m sure. I’m afraid seeing your husband at the fish pond really did it for me. I think we can safely say, I willl be a howler when our time comes!!! Well done you for raising such a great girl! Thanks for joining #TweensTeensBeyond. It’s great to have you here. Nicky
I’ve gone through this twice now, and no matter how you prepare yourself it’s always an abrupt change to life – both your teen’s and your own. Life soon settles into a new rut though
Absolutely beautiful post!
Oh this made me cry! Thank you for taking us along on this emotional, bittersweet journey!
Oh, wow, what an emotional milestone. Your writing has brought me to tears. I can’t help but think how much harder this might be if you didn’t have sweet baby Aiden. Job well done, mama & daddy!
aw, so bittersweet! But what an amazing accomplishment, both for Afton and for YOU!
Also, am I crazy or is that dorm room HUGE?
I SO enjoyed this entry! And I loved all of your pictures!
My son goes to college 8 hours away and we only see him a few times a year, so I feel your pain of having one ‘go away’. He’s been a college student for 3 years now and I still miss him! My 17 year old daughter just started college last week and I am so thankful that she is living at home (her university is a 20 minute drive!) Good luck to Afton, I just know she will do great!
I don’t even have babies and you made me cry. Your writing is beautiful.
I got tears in my eyes reading this. I will go through this in about 10 years and this post is a reminder to enjoy the time I do have with my kids as they grow up far to fast. Im glad you were able to channel your sadness into a positive and were wble to enjoy the bright side, that you have a baby and your child rearing isnt over!
I cannot imagine the flood of emotions. Loving you!
I remember the post you wrote about a year ago saying that it was her last year living at home… I wrote a post about it too because while my daughter is only 2 I just KNOW that time will go by so fast. I went away to college and LOVED it, but reading this made me see my mom. It made me see myself as a mom in 16 years or so. It is beautiful!
Wow, that made me cry. I feel so far away from sending my kids off to college, but somehow what you shared was still so poignant for me. What a great mom you are!
The post really caught my eye, initially, because my name is Katrina and my great-grandma’s name was Afton.
I guess those names are just meant to be related. 😉