So here we are at 26 weeks! I am so thankful that Aaron has made it this far in the pregnancy. My strong boy! I’m thinking that he’s going to make it very close to full term. My mama instinct just tells me this. Plus, I have been praying for that. A lot.
As I journey through these weeks leading up to Aaron’s due date, I have my days where my spirits are very high, and I just know that I’ve got this. I can do it. I can welcome my son and say good-bye shortly after, and it’s going to be okay because the Holy Spirit will be with me to comfort me and give me strength. And on these days, I truly feel joy and peace while carrying this sweet boy of mine. Those days are good.
And then there are the days when I’m not so sure I’ve got this, when I think this is too much for a mother to go through, where I bury my head in my pillow and just scream at the unfairness of it all, or I go into the shower, turn the water on, and cradle my baby/belly in my hands and just cry and cry and cry until there’s no more tears left. On those days, it’s hard for me to smile or to be patient with my other children, or to even get dressed and get out of bed. Those days do not happen often, thank goodness. But they happen. I try to talk myself through them, telling myself that Aaron is not gone yet, do not mourn for a loss that hasn’t happened yet. Sometimes telling myself this works to lift me up again. Other times it does not, and I just have to go through the grief and know that tomorrow will be a better day. And tomorrow is always a better day. I never have two bad days in a row. Instead, I have many good days in a row. For this I am thankful.
I have no pictures of me during my bad days, for obvious reasons. It’s not like I hand the iPhone over to my kids and say, “Here. Snap a quick picture of me crying in the shower, you know, for Aaron’s scrapbook.” Nope, no pictures of the bad days. But I do have plenty of pictures during my good days!
I love watching Aiden talk and “play” with his baby brother. Here he is sharing his stuffed animal with him. He was having the animal “talk” to Aaron and also give him kisses.
One night the kids wanted to play Uno with me, but I was so tired. I told them I would play, but only if I could lie on the couch. So, we made my belly the card table. This way, Aaron could get in on the action, too. Every now and then he would KICK and the cards would go sliding off my belly and onto the floor. Then the kids would say, “Ugh…Aaron!” This made me happy. A good day.
This was our last beach day before school started back up. On this day I spent a lot of time thinking about Aaron and how nice it would be if we were able to bring him home for a time, and how I would bring him to the beach so he could feel the warm sun and the ocean breeze on his sweet face. The thought of that possibility made this a happy day for me.
Aaron’s first time riding in a hotel elevator! Lots of good days during this summer get-away.
I love when my kids love on my growing belly. Here Aria was saying, “Hello, Baby Aaron!” So sweet. It’s always a good day when my kids pay attention their littlest brother :)
This little two year old of mine is almost always with me, all day long, every single day. When Aaron is born, he will most definitely recognize his older brother Aiden’s voice.
Back to School shopping with the girls. This was a good day for me, being out and about with my pregnant belly.
I enjoy taking “selfies” of me and my growing belly. It’s always a good day for me when I do this. It’s such a special time, pregnancy. I love every second.
It’s always a good day when Aiden falls asleep next to his baby brother. I love these moments.
Me and Aaron kicking it, poolside. Days in our backyard pool are always good days.
How could any day not be a good day when it starts off with breakfast in bed? I remember I laughed because I was unable to pull the tray up very far because my belly (Aaron) was in the way. I spilled a bit of food on myself, but it was a good day!
Yep. Good days. Bad days. We all have them, right?
“I have told you all of this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” – Jesus John 16:33
Well, there you have it. Trials and sorrows. Jesus says while we are on this earth, we will have trials and sorrows. He actually says we will have many trials and sorrows. Many.
And why is that? I suppose it’s because this earth is not the paradise that God created at the beginning. In that previous world there was no death, no sickness, no Trisomy 13. But that world no longer exists due to Adam and Eve’s sin. And this was in God’s plan. So the world we all live in now is broken, and we are all broken in one way or another. For my son Aaron, it’s his DNA that is broken. For me, it’s this entire situation that is broken. I should be anticipating a healthy newborn who will live until he is a 92 year old man. I should be planning my home birth, ordering my birth tub, going to all my midwife appointments. There are a lot of “should be’s” with this baby. Things are very different this time. Things are broken. Broken plans. Broken dreams. Broken hearts.
But there is no broken faith. No broken prayers. No broken hope. No broken promises of a life in Heaven. Those things remain unbroken. In fact, they have been made stronger than ever.
I am thankful for all the good days I have had during this pregnancy, and I am praying for many more during the next three months.
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing,
give thanks in all circumstances;
for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
~ 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Click on the links to read more about Baby Aaron and our choice to Carry to Term
Hi Trina ~
I had no idea you were keeping your blog! Although I follow you, for some reason your posts don’t show in my reader? One of my blog readers let me know : /
I have been thinking of you, your family and of course your sweet baby… loving you all.
You’re right, Aaron is such a strong boy!
You always post such beautiful pictures of you and your family.
I love you Trina,
Jen
P.S. Dave has two friends from his old gym who ended up marrying and getting pregnant. He came home the day before yesterday and said they posted how their baby has Trisomy 13.
Hi Jen,
You have to subscribe to my blog again in order to get email notifications. Something got reassigned during my blog makeover and it changed everything. Sorry about that!
Please direct Dave’s friends to my blog for support, or they can contact me and I can give them information about support via FB groups and other organizations that have been really helpful to me.
Thank you for checking in on me! Love ya,
Trina
Katrina, you have done an excellent job of documenting your pregnancy. Thank you for sharing your heart. These photos will be a treasure trove of memories.
Thank you. I am trying to remember to take a lot of photos! Sometimes I forget, but mostly I have been pretty good about it 😉
I’m so proud of you. Your faith and love are an inspiration to me. There isn’t anything I can say to express what I am feeling. Love you. Mom
Thanks, mom. See you soon!
You manage to capture the heart breaking and heart warming aspects of your pregnancy with sweet Aaron. And sharing your journey with us allows for our own renewal of faith and perspective. Thank you for being generous even through the bad days. I will continue to pray that those are few and your little fighter sees his birthday, meets his amazing family, and, God willing, maybe even gets a trip to the beach. xoxo
Thank you so much. I would really love for this little boy of mine to feel the warm sun on his face. If he is able to come home with us, the beach is the first place I will take him. Thank you for your prayers.
Trina-you are such a strong person and I truly ache for you on your bad days. However I also celebrate you on the good days. Your strong faith is so inspiring and I am in awe of it. Prayers are going everyday for you, Aaron, and your family. ???
Thank you, Erin!