The words “carrying to term” refers to staying pregnant the full nine months or until a baby is ready to be born, but the phrase has also come to mean the choice to continue with a pregnancy despite a terminal fetal diagnosis.
Context example: She decided to carry the child to term, even though the fetus was shown to be defective.
I remember a few years ago I began following a family on Facebook who was sharing their journey of carrying their unborn son to term despite his diagnosis of anencephaly (a serious birth defect in which a baby is missing parts of the brain and skull) Some would question why they would make that choice? If the baby was going to die anyway, termination of the pregnancy would be a much better decision for the baby and the parents, wouldn’t it?
Well, that is not necessarily true. *Not for everyone, it isn’t. In fact, I’ve since found story after story of parents who have chosen to carry their babies to term despite a fatal diagnosis, and so far I have read none that regretted their choice. They were all grateful for the short time they had to hold their baby, to get to know their baby, before having to say goodbye. I have always been intrigued by these parents and the choice they made. Surely it can’t be easy carrying a child through pregnancy when you know that the baby isn’t going to live long after the birth. But yet I knew without a doubt that if I were ever faced with such a pregnancy, I would do the exact same thing. In fact, here is a blog post that I wrote a couple of years ago that says exactly that.
Looking back at that post, I can’t help but to think that perhaps I knew, on some level, that I would one day be faced with that same choice. Did I have a feeling or a premonition? I can’t say that I did. Actually, I think it’s much more likely that the Lord pressed upon my heart a curiosity about such stories to prepare me, to grow my heart in such a way that if it did happen to me I would be able to make the best choice for me. The Lord knows me so well, and he knows that choosing to terminate would destroy me inside, that I could never truly heal from that decision, and so He made it that I would be introduced to these families as a way to guide me towards making the decision to carry to term, should it ever be a decision I am faced with. This is what I believe to be true.
On June 19, 2015, at 16 weeks into my 10th pregnancy, we learned that our unborn baby has a fatal condition. We learned that our precious son, who we have named Aaron, has Trisomy 13. Due to the presence of several life-threatening medical problems, most infants with trisomy 13 die either in utero or within their first days or weeks of life.
We, of course, are heartbroken. But we know that Aaron’s life has value. However short his life may be, his life has a purpose. We cannot cut his life short just because he may or may not live longer than 2.5 days. I am carrying him to term because this is his only life, and he should be allowed to live it out for as long as he is able to. Right now I feel his kicks and his hiccups. He is very much alive and safe inside of me. I feel privileged to have been chosen as his mother and it’s truly an honor to carry him. I cannot know the future, and I have no idea how this little baby will come to bless our family. But I know that he will. He already has.
I am so grateful to those who have guided me towards this decision; of course to my Father in Heaven who has guided me the most, and to all the mamas whose stories have made a huge impact on my heart, and their babies who I will never forget.
Angie Smith and her daughter Audrey
Brittni and her son Ezekiel Anthony
I know I will never regret carrying Aaron to term. I know that when his time comes to leave us, I will hurt and I will have a hole in my heart that will never be filled. It will not be easy, that is for sure. But I will live out my days knowing that I honored his life and cared for him the best way that I knew how, and I will know that during his life he will have known nothing but love.
I’m choosing to share our journey with Aaron here on my blog for a few reasons. First and foremost, he is my baby and I am proud to show him off! What mother doesn’t want to introduce her child to the world? During my pregnancy our family will get to know him, and so will everyone else as I share him through my blog posts. Second, just as others have shared their stories and they had an impact on me, I hope that one day our story can do the same for someone else who might be facing a similar diagnosis with their expected baby. And last, I want Aaron to have made a mark in this world, to be remembered. No matter how short a person’s life may be, it’s never too short to make an impact.
Should he make it to term, Aaron’s expected due date is December 1, 2015. To read updates on my pregnancy with Aaron, click here or go to “Baby Aaron” in the drop down menu of my navigation bar (under INSPIRATION).
*I do realize that the choice to carry to term may not be a choice that everyone can make. I do not judge other’s choices, but rather would just like to offer hope and insight to those who do choose this path.
update: Aaron was born on November 4, 2015 at 36 weeks via c-section. He weighed 7 pounds 1 ounce and was born alive but not able to breathe on his own. He was placed on a ventilator and we had 5 days with our son before he went to Heaven. We all held him and loved on him. He was perfect and beautiful and I have zero regrets about carrying him to term.
November 9, 2015 ~ my only photo of me with all eleven of my children
Such a moving story. I am friends with a lady who also had a baby diagnosed with Trisomy 13 and carried him to term. She had 11 days with her little Joshua and never regrets a single moment. It’s such an admirable thing to be able to do, I’m not sure if I could do the same but it’s so nice that you got to hold and love your baby on this earth for however short a time x
It’s so nice to learn about baby Joshua blessing his family forever with those 11 days on earth. Thank you for sharing that with me
You are amazing to have done this. It is so heartbreaking but it sounds like you made exactly the right choice for you and your family. Thanks for sharing with my linky…was a privilege to read. Hope you managed to get through such a tough time x #bestandworst x
Thank you
It was difficult but we did manage to get through it. We still miss him, and we always will. But our hearts have grown, and that’s always a positive thing.
What a heartbreaking story but thank you for sharing to raise awareness of this subject. Your photograph of you and all your children is beautiful xx #bestandworst
Thank you. The photo captures a raw moment in time that I will always treasure. I wish we had more photos of our time with him. No matter how many you take, it never feels like enough.
Absolutely heartbreaking-I have no words, except to commend you on your bravery in what was probably the hardest decision you’ll ever have to make xx
Thank you. Carrying him to term wasn’t a hard decision. Knowing when to take him off the ventilator machine was hard.
This is a beautiful story; thank you for sharing your journey. I have also walked down this road. Thinking of you on this Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
Thank you, Mandy. I’m sorry that you have walked down this road, too. It’s not an easy road to travel, but I’ve found that it also has it’s blessings. Thank you for thinking of me
My heart goes out to you. I was given a similar diagnosis for my oldest son Joshua. We choose not to do an amnio but to just wait and see. It was stressful and extremely difficult but in the ended up being born healthy and now is an energetic 7 year old.
You will be in my thoughts as his due date nears.
Thank you, Christina.
Wow. This is beautiful, inspirational, and deeply saddening. It is so beautiful that you have chosen to let Aaron experience what life he may have. I feel humbled by your story, and honoured to have read it. Sending lots of love to you and your family.
#fartglitter
Thank you so much
I’m sorry you have to make such a heartbreaking decision. I hope that you have a good support network to help you through what must be a really difficult time. I can’t even imagine.
Thanks for linking up to #fartglitter x
Thank you
I have never read anything like this in my life. I had tears in my eyes and I feel so connected.
Thank you for reading his story
Thank you for sharing this beautiful, raw and deeply moving post! Your story offers so much hope to others and I have no doubt in the blessing that you and Aaron will shower on others. #AllAboutYou x
Thank you so much
Katrina and Rich, I am inspired by your choice to have this experience be a celebration of life and a path not travelled that will reveal true purpose somehow. It seems your faith allows you an opportunity to be open to Gods gift regardless – as you know your baby is just divine. We are all blessed to be witness to your eloquent and insightful sharing on your journey.
Julie and Mario
Thank you so much for your kind words.
Your amazing cuz!
I know God is smiling apon you as am I.
Love you!
Thanks, Cuz!
Love and miss you. Let’s talk soon!
I am so touched by your story and your reasons! I too prAy your story touches at least one but I am sure many more. Mine story is a little different. Our Annabel has Trisomy 18 and was brought back to the agency after being place at birth. They received the devasting news that their child wouldn’t live. So we brought her home thinking we had days months or at most a year. Each day we celebrate as if it were her last. She is now 10 years old. God is so amazing and Annabel’s precious life is changing Drs heart little by little. I pray you have plenty of time but know that each hour or days, months or years, you Glorify Him through the your sweet Aaron’s life!
Wow, Cathy, that is an amazing story. Thank you for sharing. This whole “incompatible with life” sentence that doctors give these T13 and T18 babies doesn’t fit EVERY child who has these syndromes. Some are very severe and do not live long at all, but some DO live longer lives and to call them “incompatible with LIFE” is so very wrong. These kids have LIFE in them, and they bring joy to their families. I’m so happy to hear that your Annabel is ten years old! What an inspiration she is.
Enjoy every moment you have with Aaron!!! You will never ever regret giving him his life, however brief it may be. He is your son and always will be.
Thank you, Pam. I know I’ll never have regrets for allowing Aaron to life his best life, for however long that may be. And yes, he will always be my little boy
I admire you for putting words so perfectly. Thank you for showing your strength, I needed to read this. My due date is December 2nd, a day after yours. Our little girl has Trisomy 18. I would love to get in touch with you.
Hilary
Hilary,
Thank you for your kind comment. I’d love to connect with you ~ I will send you an email soon.
Praying for you and your baby girl.
Love you, love Aaron – thank you for your beautiful, perfect witness here…
Thank you, Megan
Katrina,
It is wonderful to read a loving mama has decided to trust in God and share every step of the way with others. It is wonderful to hear your story, in hopes that other mothers that hear of their diagnosis will also choose life!
It is wonderful to be filled with Hope each and every single day. To know that your son, Aaron you will be in your arms, squeezing your finger, looking at mamma and daddy’s face. It is a wonderful feeling!
We also decided to choose Life for our son Luke. We were very thankful to God for the opportunity to not only give birth “full term” but to get to know our son.
They all said “incompatible with life”
Our son showed them! He smiled, he squeezed our finger, he pushed away the nurses when he didn’t want to be bothered. He was full of LIFE! His personality amazed us each and every single day! We placed our trust in God and He provided!
May God provide for your family and surround you in love, strength and comfort.
It is a Journey of Hope!
Our story can be read on our blog, may it encourage you too!
http://www.golnikfamily.com/journeyofhope/
God Bless
With our love & prayers
The Golniks
Hi Pamela,
Thank you so much for your comment. I know you get it, being that you went through this with your own son. Your blog is beautiful and inspiring. Full of encouragement for me. Thank you so much for sharing.
Katrina, thank you so much for sharing your story with us. You are a hero, mama! So many in our society feel that it’s an act of mercy to end lives, be it the elderly suffering illness or physical pain or the unborn. We need more people like you in this world that recognize that each life is precious and worthy, even if it doesn’t fit into a mold of what society has deemed “good enough.”
Baby Aaron is precious and has a purpose, just as you and I have a purpose. He will touch the lives of those in your family and of those with whom you share your story. He will leave a lasting impact on the world! I will add you and your family to our prayer list. <3
Thank you so much
Dear Katrina and family,
Thank you for your post on my photo on the shape of a mother. Wow you truly are an incredible person both inside and out. You have a big gorgeous family and still have time to keep a blog and dogs and be a wife for all these years.
I feel my heart ache for you when that day comes and your arms are full of love and the gift that is your precious baby boy, my heart aches for I do not always understand gods plans however I know there would be no mum better in the world to hold him and love him and honor him than you.
You are full of life no matter how long or what amount of time Aaron has you are right his life is worth every moment and every kick you feel is an incredible miracle.
I hope you have many moments ahead enjoying his kicks and feeling him wriggle. I think you write with such empathy and you are so connected with what is important in life.
I wish you, your family and baby Aaron all the love in the world. You really are an inspiration to all Mums the whole world over. xox
Such sweet words of support. Thank you:)
Good words and i agree with the comments. Thank you Trina for sharing you journey with us. I will be praying for you and
Aaron and yours. Much love, brian richey
Thanks, Bri
You are very brave to share your journey with us. I’m so sorry that you and your family are going through this, but know you are not alone. Thank you for sharing this journey. You and Aaron will be in my prayers.
Thank you:)
Hi Katrina. I found your blog via instagram after you commented on my #carryingtoterm picture. I’m so, so sorry for you and Baby Aaron. I’m only a few weeks ahead of you with my baby Kate who is not expected to live long after birth. Unfortunately, I’ve also walked this road before, with my daughter Evie, in 2012. She lived for four hours. I also have no regrets. I’m here for you if you need any support.
Much love and many prayers,
Sarah
Sarah,
I’ve been to your blog and read about your sweet babies. I’m so sorry that you went through this not only once, but soon twice. It sure doesn’t seem fair at all. I know life isn’t fair, as they say. But still. Two lose two daughters shortly after birth…there’s just a special place in Heaven for mamas like you. (with your babies, of course!) Thank you for your support, and you will be in my prayers, too.
Thank you for sharing what must be a very painful time with us. Each family must make the decision that right for them and I’m glad to see that you are confident and sure of your path and willing to be a role model for others who are feeling lost.
Thank you
This must be such a difficult time for you. I lost my daughter unexpectedly while she was in the NICU and I’ve thought about what I would have done in your situation and I would do the same, just to have all the time with her I possibly could. You and your family will be in my thoughts. Sending you strength for the months ahead.
Thank you, Jessica, and I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter
I’m so sorry that you are having to go through this. I feel like I would make the same choice you are- that your baby will be a blessing to your family for however long you get to have him with you. xo
Thank you, Shell
Wow. Such a beautifully written post. Aaron is so lucky to have you as his Mama
x
Thank you:)
WOW Trina. I don’t know what to say except Aaron is so lucky to have you and Rich as parents. And your family as his family. And this is going to be so hard but I know you will find the joy and purpose for this and make it amazing. My love and support always always
Sheryl
Sheryl, thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I see your little man on FB every day and am so happy for you. He’s absolutely gorgeous. Yes, this will be very hard on us but we will find our way through it. And I know we will be blessed by the experience that Aaron gives us and the lessons his life will teach us. Every baby deserves to be celebrated, and this is what we are going to do for Aaron — celebrate his life, every single day